Dear Beast:

[taennyn]

If I am still breathing, I am not a food source.

No, not even the edges of my ears.

Despite your delusions of being a stole, you are not a garotte, and it's unlikely you could make me into a food source by lying across my neck.

Do you have a head cold? The back-beat on your purr's all raspy.

It's remarkably difficult to hear anything else if you're lying on my exposed ear and Purring.

Crawling under the covers with me is not an option, even if you are cute and fluffy. You bite in interesting locations. (should we have named you Stitch, instead of after a werewolf and a fledgling drakthos?)

If you stick your paw in my eye, expect to be evicted. If you bite my nose, expect to be evicted. If you attempt to eat my hair, expect to be evicted.

Dive-bombing my abdomen from the windowsill is not appreciated, o fluffy one.

With utmost sincerity,
the not!food-source.

Comments

[larathia.livejournal.com]

note_to_cat

*laughs*

[taennyn]

. . Ehh. I don't expect to need to speak to the ether about the Beast all that often? Adolescent male cat, after all, currently uncastrated. =P Wheeeee, hormones!

[andrewm.livejournal.com]

Uncastrated? This sounds like a situation.

[billradish.livejournal.com]

It's one that's going to be fixed (sorry for the pun) within two months.

[taennyn]

Nah, there's a Dire Plot underfoot for castration before the new year. It merely requires appointments and the roommate not dogsitting.

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

*giggling* give him another year and he'll recognize your value and your letters to him will be addressed "with utmost sincerity, your wait staff."

[taennyn]

*dry* You'll note he doesn't have a god!name. :)

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

bwaha!

and here i thought that their divine nature was implied by default?
they had the remarkable good fortune to be born as cats, after all. ;)

[taennyn]

So what's that make humans with cat-like qualities? Demigods?

(oh, quite. Also to be launched from beds as if by trebuchets if they happen to bite in a truly Interesting location.)

[klgaffney.livejournal.com]

they probably weren't thinking all that clearly when they named me. *innocent* silly family.

*!!!* cat trebuchet! ....i bet he'd actually like that. like the cat that got a kick out of hanging out in a wind tunnel. literally, even.

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

. . . I am remembering a certain reiterative conversation we have. And I am smiling.

[taennyn]

I am thinking Isa may have similiar problems with Yumi. Or the Gray Demon.

[yi-sen.livejournal.com]

*is destroyed by teh cute*

[taennyn]

*gnaws on you* The crack is easier to supply if you also answer which filters you'd like to be on, y'know.

Beware of the Small and Fluffy Cute. For lo, it bites.

[yi-sen.livejournal.com]

Eeep!!! *is gnawed*

I thought I answered the filter question.

*goes lookin'*

Small and fluffy cute can't bite me from many miles away.

;)

[nagasvoice.livejournal.com]

I, erm, know certain fictional characters like that.
Haven't actually encountered in Real Life.
Probably one of Bast's minor mercies, that.
Already *have* the castrated black slinky punk cat who likes to bite hair. He's just finally decided that being all moody and sulky for being kicked out for the biting is not *quite* as attractive as the threat of a really rillllyy good chin skritching. Or neck. Or ooo, that tough spot back of the ears, just right there, oh yeah.
It only took him three years to get over the James Dean "rebel without a clue" phase, which is an eon in cat years.
Also, the fact that he's incredibly clumsy, not at all skilled at slinking along the upper shelves without falling off, hasn't exactly earned him a lot of coolth creds.

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

I am thinking I have similar problems with YOU!

[taennyn]

*Innocence! Offended Innocence!* Since when do I launch myself off things at you?

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

. . . admittedly, it wasn't Launching, per se. Just too much Bailey's.

*snickers*

[taennyn]

. . Okay, so I gnaw when I'm toasted.

[taennyn]

*grins* Standoffish as a cat and occasionally behaves like a singed chicken?

. . I have this odd urge to make you an icon of a slinky black cat. Text being "rebel without a clue".

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

*snerks* That's okay, I get cuddly, and gnawing counts. So I thought it was cute.

I simply remain vastly entertained that you are chiding your cat for these behaviors. *smirks*

[taennyn]

I merely declare my intent to evict from my bed those who perform said behaviours while I am attempting to sleep. Especially when fangs are applied to my SCALP.

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

. . . hokay, I do have to absolve you from both of those behaviors.

:p

[(Anonymous)]

Now *that* would be an lj icon!!
You do9 good ons, too.
Any you feel like tossing my way, I will be glad to adopt them and pet them and call them George. (I udnerstand we get more even as freebie accounts now?)
OH yeah, and point at your lj and say, "She made it!"